Kinda Sorta Famous

in pursuit of life, love, and the opportunity to be…

i just thought you should know. . .

I have some things on my mind that I just gotta get off my chest. Every piece of advice I have ever heard and sometimes even given about dating usually includes the mantra “Don’t show your hand” in some way. You have to keep the other person guessing. You don’ want to come on too strong. I have to admit that with you I am struggling with this concept BIG time. For the first time in a LONG time, within these first few weeks I have seen enough to bring me to only one conclusion. So, let me begin this dialogue by saying that I LIKE you. I know I am not supposed to tell you this and I am supposed to let you keep wondering for a few weeks or maybe even months. Hell, I don’t even know if I am supposed to be thinking like this in such a short time. I am in uncharted waters right now. I haven’t met anyone like you. You’re intelligent, sophisticated, classy yet a hint of country (just how I like ‘em), have a good sense of humor, physically near perfect and you have a great capacity to love as is evident in your adoration for your family. I don’t want you to misconstrue this at all because I am not saying that I want you to marry me tomorrow. I am not even saying that I want you to be my “lady”. I just want you to know that I am struggling. I am struggling with trying to hide what I’m thinking and feeling. Sometimes my emotions even struggle as they continually attempt to escape. I am just barely strong enough to hold it all in. It often causes me to be speechless. It makes me hold something back because I don’t know where this is going and no one wants to put themselves out there and get left hanging. No one wants to get that dreaded “thank you”. More importantly, it makes me try to achieve dating perfection to keep you on the hook. So I just want the freedom to completely be me. I want you to know that I think about you sometimes in the middle of my work day even when I have a deadline looming or some important project. I want you to know that sometimes the possibilities keep me up at night. Conventional wisdom would say that my mind should be elsewhere, but I can’t help it. I am driven. I have a career path, that has a few forks in the road, and I can see where I will be in 10 years. What I don’t know is where I will be in my personal life in 10 years. You scare me. I don’t know what you are thinking. I do know that you aren’t in any hurry to begin a relationship because of the past and rightfully so. What has the black man done to disprove the idea that he cannot commit. I have told myself many times that I want to get this thing right in one try. So it has become a constant fight within me to contain what seems to be building inside and to take things slow because I know that’s what you need me to do. I know that you need me to be understanding and just simply be there. The problem is that I also know that I could just be that guy who gets you from your last failed love experience to the next. Life is. . . . Too short. I guess what I am trying to say is let’s stop playing games. Let me breathe easy and do what I do best. . . be me. I want you to see the real me. I don’t want you to fall in love with some romanticized version of me. I don’t want you to dislike the bumbling idiot that might show up from time to time when I try hard to impress you. Love me for me and it will be all about you. Can you dig that? Is it ok to share with you that I like you? Hopefully, it will be the first of many things that we share.

Keeping it real for the first time,

JustICE AKA The UNcommon Cold

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March 28, 2008 - Posted by | the dating game

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